It’s no secret that we’re shaped by the words we use, the phrases we fall back on, and the idioms we grow up hearing. If you’ve ever tried to explain an English “dad joke” to a French friend, they might look at you a bit funny. Or if you’ve captured the subtlety of sarcasm from your German partner, you’ve probably come face-to-face with a crucial fact: language doesn’t just convey what we think. It affects how we think.
In ways both subtle and blatant, the over 7000 languages we speak around the world influence our perceptions of the world, our connection to emotions, and, oh yes, our capacity to miscommunicate in hilarious—and sometimes negative—ways.
Language Shapes the Way We See the World
Languages don’t just differ in vocabulary or grammar; they create alternate realities. You can ask your Japanese friend about a single “snowflake,” but if they’re from the Arctic, they might hit you with 20 different words for it. Why? Because if you live in a world where snow is everything, you need a subtle distinction.
Consider time: in some languages, time is horizontal. In English, we look “forward” to something happening, while the past is “behind” us. But in Mandarin, time can also be vertical. This means events can stack one on top of another, and for Mandarin speakers, the future might not be a path ahead but a building you’re climbing. Every day is a new floor. Small difference? Sure. But when people literally imagine time differently, it starts to make sense why one friend is always “running late” while another is “climbing toward deadlines.”
Or take colour: Russians don’t just see “blue”—they distinguish between “goluboy” (light blue) and “siniy” (dark blue), two colors to them, not just shades. In other words, they are literally seeing the world differently than someone who just sees “blue.”
The Language of Emotions
Ever tried to explain “saudade” to an English speaker? This Portuguese word captures a deep sense of nostalgia and longing, tinged with a melancholic beauty, for something or someone that may never return. In fact, a song titled Suadade by MARO came up ninth at the Eurovision contest in 2022, and it captures the meaning of the word perfectly. We don’t have an exact English word for that, and it can be tricky to explain. Similarly, the Japanese word “Wabi–sabi” means something like imperfect beauty. In terms of Japanese aesthetics, wabi-sabi is a central concept to both the language and traditional philosophy. It comes from the teachings of Buddhism, about a transient, imperfect nature of life itself. Wabi–sabi serves to remind us that all things are impermanent, incomplete, and imperfect, which means that perfection is ultimately impossible. Therefore, we should try to see the beauty in everything. Japanese craftsmen often create or leave imperfections in their work, making their craft a physical symbol of this philosophy. Or another favourite of mine: have you ever walked through a wooded area on a sunny day, and seen beams of light shining through the canopy of leaves? That is komorebi. The Japanese language has a long list of such words that we can only try to translate with our limited world view.
The words available to us often reflect the emotions we allow ourselves to acknowledge. This is one reason that bilingual individuals often report feeling like different people in each language. If you’re an English speaker who switches to Hungarian like myself, you might feel more reserved and formal. Slip into Italian, and maybe you’re suddenly more expressive and warm. It’s not because the “Italian side” of you is different. It’s because certain languages have different emotional vocabularies. Some are practically begging you to be moody, like French, while others, like Norwegian, might encourage you to stay chill and unemotional about, well, everything.
International Couples: Miscommunication in the Multilingual Love Zone
If languages shape perception and emotion, what does that mean for relationships where one partner grew up speaking Italian and the other English? Let’s just say… It can mean frequent misunderstandings.
Imagine this: Lisa, a German, and Matteo, an Italian, are an adorable international couple. German has a directness to it; there’s no dancing around difficult subjects. If a German says, “I am upset about this,” they mean it, plainly and clearly. Italian, however, loves a little flair, a bit of indirectness, a side of subtext. When Matteo says “I’m a little tired,” he might mean “I’m so emotionally drained I need a nap and a hug to feel whole again.” Lisa, meanwhile, might hear it and think, “Ah, he’s just a little tired, no big deal.”
Or take the classic British “I’m fine” in response to “How are you?” In a multicultural relationship, that might sound reassuring to the non-British partner, who is thinking, “Great! They’re totally fine.” A native English speaker, though, knows that “I’m fine” can mean anything from “I’m okay” to “I’m deeply unhappy, but I don’t want to talk about it, and I’m hoping you pick up on this.” Cross-lingual “fine” can lead to everything from mild confusion to “I thought you said you were okay! I had no idea you were secretly suffering!”
This “lost in translation” phenomenon isn’t just about vocabulary. It’s about how languages handle conflict, show affection, and deal with tough subjects. In some cultures, “we need to talk” means exactly that, and might even seem threatening. In others, you might discuss everything except the problem, in an attempt to bring about harmonious understanding without directly addressing the issue.
So, What’s the Takeaway?
For anyone who speaks multiple languages or has a partner from a different linguistic background, the takeaway here is less about learning every word in their vocabulary and more about understanding the mindset that goes with it. Language, at its heart, is an expression of culture—its quirks, priorities, and philosophies on life.
International couples can make this work not by trying to become “fluent” in each other’s languages per se, but by becoming fluent in each other’s perspectives. Ask your partner if their “fine” means “fine” or if it means they’re actually about to go through a burn out. Try to understand the moments where “no problem” turned into a big problem, or when “I’m okay” actually meant “save me.”
Because at the end of the day, communication isn’t just about words; it’s about the worlds we’re inviting each other into.
Love,
V
